I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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