If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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