Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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