While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
