Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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