dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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