I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
