spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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