If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
