So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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