In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
