She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
