i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
