I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
