You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
