There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize