I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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