I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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