Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
