Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
