Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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