It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
