I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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