A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
