If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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