david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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