hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
