dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
