my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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