She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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