I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
