He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
