that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
high people should be assigned attendants
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
