I've blown a few things in my day
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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