Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
