I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Plan B is the new Plan A
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
