On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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