Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
