SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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