Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
