HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
