At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
