The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
