how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
