I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
