we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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