seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
