i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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