Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
