i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
