I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Congratulations! We have a period
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
