I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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