Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
