No, drunk sperm still make babies.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
