i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
