Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
