I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
