one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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