South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
