He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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