why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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