Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
