idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
