your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
