omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize