he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
