i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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