How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Randomize
