I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize