Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
