I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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