So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
