I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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