Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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