I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
