I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
