I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
