Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
