video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
