I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
