So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
