did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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