a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
