My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
