He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize