did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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