i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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