It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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