about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
