Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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