What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
