How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
