my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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