Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize