I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
