I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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