Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
