Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize