so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
