I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
