She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
